“If people that are against gay marriage just said, ‘I’m against gay marriage because thinking about two men having butt sex or two women having scissor sex kills my boner, dries up my vagina, I can’t have sex, it ruins my life. That’s why I’m against it,’” Oswalt opined in a new album that will be released Tuesday. “That would be a valid argument! We’d have to actually debate you on that!”
“But these lunatics always go, ‘It says in the Bible…’ Oh, OK, stop, hang on. I’m glad you like a book,” he joked. “Just because you like something in a book doesn’t mean you can have the thing you like in the book happen in real life. That’s what crazy people want!”
“I can’t go to the White House with a bunch of Green Lantern comics and go, ‘I want a Green Lantern ring! I saw it in a book I like. Make the thing in the book I like be here now!’ I would be justifiably tased if I did that.”
This audio is from Patton Oswalt’s Finest Hour, released Sept. 19, 2011.
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